Take It Personally!®
The Art of Dealing with Rejection
Introduction: Sometimes You Don't Even Know What Hit You
- Take It Seriously but Not Personally
- Reweave Your Tapestry of Experiences
- How to Use This Book
Part One: Zeroing In on the Problem
1 Maybe I Can't Name It, but I Know It When I Feel It
The Many Faces of Rejection
- Alex's Story/Louisa's Story/Gene and Maureen's Story
- Different Strokes for Different Folks
- Who's Responsible Here?
- It Might Be Time to Readjust Your Emotional Filter
- It Just Isn't Fair!
- Don't Judge Me
2 I Wouldn't Talk to Someone Else the Way I Talk to Myself
- I'd Like Myself Better If I Could Just Be Someone Else
- Do You Listen to the Things You Tell Yourself?
3 Tiptoeing through Minefields
- Trading Roles
- A Matter of Upbringing
- Acting Out
- Did They Really Mean What You Think They Said?
- How to Check Things Out with Someone
4 If You Care About Me, You'll Read My Mind
Expectations and Disappointments
- Repeating Patterns Can Get Tiresome
- Scratch the Surface of Complaining and What Do You Find?
- Do You Expect Too Much of Others?
- Do You Expect Too Much of Yourself?
5 I Never Want to Be Hurt Like That Again
Avoiding the Pain
- Expecting the Pain
- Taking Pains to Avoid the Pain
Part Two: Identifying Those Old Hurts
6 You're More Trouble Than You're Worth
Subtle and Not So Subtle Messages
- Fear, Anxiety, and Rejection
- Parental Inaction
- The Psychological Effects of Abuse
- Identifying Your Childhood Messages
7 Grandma Passes Down More Than Just Her China
Cultural and Generational Messages
- The Cyclical (and Reciprocal) Nature of Rejection
- Good Kid/Bad Kid
- The Messages Resonate
8 Eating the Leftovers
The Power of Mealtime Messages
- Pass the Rejection, Please
- Mealtime Sketches
- Mealtime Revisited
9 Friends Today, Gone Tomorrow
Peer Rejection Messages
- Discrimination Has Lots of Faces
- When the Table Turn: From Bully to Victim
- Sibling Skirmishes
- A Beacon of Light
Part Three: Making Changes, Moving On
10 Keeping One Foot In and One Foot Out
Learning to Depersonalize Messages
11 Just Who Do You Think You Are?
Keeping Boundaries Clean and Clear
- Boundary Rules
- Boundary Confusion
- Boundary Skills
- Boundaries and Sex
- Boundary Boosters
12 Emptiness Is Just Space, It Need Not Be Painful
Needs versus Neediness
- Empty Spaces: To Fill or Not to Fill
- " Go Away a Little Closer"
13 You Mean I Really Have a Choice Here?
Learning about Options
- Choose and Lose
- Choose to Change
- Piecing Together the Pieces
14 I'm Gonna Hone My Imperfections!
Turning Stumbling Blocks into Building Blocks
- Transforming Self-Rejection into Self-Acceptance