The Queen of Rejection™ communication coach - speaker - psychotherapist - author
About Elayne Savage | Elayne's Story

How I Came to be The Queen of Rejection

I've always taken things personally. If someone looked at me sideways, or said something like, "What makes you think that?" — I’d get my feelings hurt and burst into tears.

That's how I came to write Don't Take It Personally! I only wish a book on overcoming rejection had been available to me years ago. Perhaps I wouldn't have accumulated so many dings and dents along the rejection road.

And what a bumpy road it sometimes was – when I was twelve years old my mother and grandmother died in a plane crash, leaving my father to care for me and my younger brother, Lee. There were lots of relocations as well – from Washington, DC, to Omaha, Nebraska, to Baltimore, Maryland (just in time for my senior year of high school), to Tuscaloosa, Alabama (for college), and finally, to the San Francisco Bay Area. I'm never quite sure how to answer the "Where are you from?" question.

After college, seventeen years passed before I returned to school (at age thirty-five). Because I was working full-time as a Child Welfare Worker in SF and (I was married back then) juggling being a wife and mom, it took eleven years to complete my Masters degree in Psychology and Doctorate in Family Psychology. I really loved school but sometimes the journey seemed never-ending. Something in me trusted I could accomplish this goal, but I had to do it my way. In fact, during my long commutes to class, I'd repeatedly play Frank Sinatra's "My Way" on the tape deck and sing along at the top of my voice.

Those eleven years in school allowed me to find my voice and my spirit, which had somehow been lost along the way. I began incorporating my experience as a Medical Social Worker, and Child Protective Services Worker and began presenting workshops and writing articles. No one was more surprised than me when I discovered that I could use my personal and professional "expertise" to write two books on rejection.

Don't Take It Personally! and Breathing Room developed from my 1989 doctoral research on the effects of childhood rejection on intimacy. While writing Breathing Room, I realized how much I am affected by (and also affect) closeness and distance in my relationships. And the more I understand about my own process, the more wisdom I can pass along to clients and workshop participants.

While writing this "bio" I had an important realization: My mom, who always dreamed of being an actress, put my brother Lee and me on the stage every chance she got. I recall one of the times she "volunteered" us to perform a skit. To get back at her during the performance we "dropped" about fifteen lines.

After she died, I rebelled and never went near a stage again. But I just realized that's not quite true. Fact is, I'm on stages all the time now as a professional speaker and author, and I love it! Just put a microphone in my hand and I'm happy. I guess after all these years, I'm doing what mom always hoped I'd do, but I'm doing it my way.

For more on Dr. Elayne Savage, click here.


Elayne's Story

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What a tremendous amount of wisdom Elayne Savage offers up!

As Realtors, we live in a world of daily rejections. It’s hard not to take things personally. Elayne gives us realistic ideas for combating these frustrations.

Through creative use of rewards, she offers ways for replenishing ourselves. In fact, the tools I've learned from Elayne enable me to feel exceptional about my accomplishments each day. What a positive impact this has for me!

Elayne Savage is not just about ‘quick fixes,’ however. She challenges you to reach inside, to learn about yourself and to grow. It was especially exciting observing the many 'ah ha' moments for the audience.

I’m delighted I booked Elayne Savage to present her Dealing with Difficult People program for the Women’s Council of Realtors.

–Lori Harvey
Education Chair, Marin Women's Council of Realtors
Director, Just Listed and Relationship Talk for Men and Women

The Queen of Rejection™